Yeah, I’m Bitter

Today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. I went out with a friend last week and he asked me if I was still bitter. My initial response was hell no. Ain’t no way I want my ex husband back. When I write about what I experienced during my marriage, it always brings me to tears. One reason is because I can’t believed I tolerated the abuse for so long. And the other reason is because it’s heartbreaking. As I recall one event after the other, it’s obvious that man never loved me. And for those reasons, I guess you can say I’m bitter.

My ex husband is a narcissist. And from what I’ve learned about narcissism, they don’t have the capacity for love, empathy, remorse, etc. But, they’re adept at manipulating situations to get you to feel for them and move heaven and earth to make them happy. And I did just that for more than 12 years. I sacrificed my career, well-being and even my health to ensure he got everything he wanted. He had a low-paying job, a prepaid phone, no car and no degree when I married him. By the time we divorced, he was making 3x more than when we first met and upon completing his bachelor’s, he eventually landed his dream job. Me? I became a stay-at-home mother after my layoff because it was most logical. I couldn’t travel for business because he was unable to take off work due to month end closings. Someone had to watch the children. And as most women know, that someone tends to be the wife. I’m not saying it was a poor decision; I loved staying at home. I just hate that today he’s thriving due to the sacrifices I made while I’m essentially starting over.

I’m usually more mature than this — work with me tonight. I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. I’ll be much better in the morning.

I spent the entire marriage proving my love for him, pouring into him without any reciprocity on his part. So yeah, I’m bitter. But I’m not the type of chick who holds grudges and takes it out on the next man. No. I’m the type of woman who sits back and watches. I’m never going to make that mistake again. If I see an inkling of manipulation, narcissism, anger issues and emotional immaturity, I’m out. No questions asked. I don’t do projects. Anymore.

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