A pedophile died on Sunday (or was it Monday?). And I posted how happy I was and that I was praying for the boys he sexually abused. But as I scrolled through Twitter and my Facebook timeline, I was shocked at the number of people who were paying him respect. They were saying no matter what he did, he was still a father and a husband and an anointed bishop.
It brought me to tears.
I won’t tarnish my blog by mentioning that pedophile’s name, but I couldn’t understand how so many people could gloss over what he did to those boys. I couldn’t stop crying. I avoided social media because reading those posts infuriated me. And I kept imagining those poor little boys being abused. Even writing this brings me to tears.
Then a Facebook friend tagged me in the following:
“My dear survivors: when an abuser dies, it often does not bring about the “relief” non-survivors insist you should feel. Instead, it often brings anger at confrontations that never occurred, sadness at admissions of shame/guilt never given, and frustration as the world chooses to focus only on the “good” of the deceased abuser because “one must not speak ill of the dead”. So, on this day as on every day when an abuser dies, we send love/comfort/support to all survivors.”
So how do I deal with triggers? I retreat and catch up on movies and tv shows. Also, I don’t take phone calls…not even from my daughter and as mentioned above, avoid social media. No one can help nor understand what I’m going through. And it’s not fair to put this weight on anyone.
For years, I used to drink it away but most recently, decided to cut back.
But the most effective coping mechanism I’ve used…avoidance. It seems to work best. Psychologists call it maladaptive. I call it necessary.